


In My Heart

by AnotherWriterWhoWrites



Series: 2020 366 Days of Writing [18]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Death, Depressed Sam Winchester, Emotionally Hurt Sam Winchester, Episode AU: s15e20 Carry On, Episode Fix-It: s15e20 Carry On, Episode: s15e20 Carry On, Gen, Hurt Sam Winchester, Post-Episode: s15e20 Carry On, Sam Winchester can't live without his brother
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-20
Updated: 2020-11-20
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:42:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27640883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnotherWriterWhoWrites/pseuds/AnotherWriterWhoWrites
Summary: Going off to the werewolf hunt in Austin Sam's thoughts are only on one thing, The End. Spoilers for 15x20 Alternate fix it fic. Character death.
Relationships: Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester
Series: 2020 366 Days of Writing [18]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1590919
Comments: 12
Kudos: 123





	In My Heart

"Agent? Are you still there?" 

Sam closed his eyes and let out a deep breath, looking around Deans room one more time. His throat was tight and he had to clear it a few times, "Yes," he told him. "I'm on my way."

He packed not even the bare essentials, just a few weapons that were lying close enough to grab and hoisted the bag up onto his shoulder, hand coming down to just barely brush the through the top of Miracles head, feeling her soft fur tickle his palm.

He turned to give another look back at the bunker, staring at it, staring at the table where he and Dean had worked countless hours on. Either trying to figure out how to kill what was after them or save someone or just...being there. Dinners and movies and everything in between. He had always wished that those moments would've lasted forever. 

He wished that they had lasted forever. 

Turning away he reached for the light switches, not hesitating as he turned them off, hearing the whole bunker slowly shut down. He could hear the radiator turn off followed by the clicking of all the lights one after the other. Miracle trotted alongside him as the door swung closed with a heavy thud, echoing sound. Reaching the garage he opened the door for her first, letting her into the backseat. He started to get into the passenger's seat but then stopped, closing his eyes and breathing out sharply once more. 

He got into the driver's seat. 

He drove with no real stop, he got coffee at some point and fed Miracle, when she whined and scratched at the door he stopped and let her out, letting her do her business, as he waited, leaning against the impala. 

Once he finally reached Austin he donned his FBI suit and badge, recited the lines that he and Dean had said so many times. Nodded in the right places, extended a hand to touch the witnesses shoulder in an attempt to comfort them, got the information he needed to find out where the werewolf might be hiding. 

He felt like he had back when he had been soulless. Going through the motions, reciting the lines like from a script. 

Donna swung by as well, she had been in the area hence giving his number out. Her hug was tight around him, tears in her eyes as she gave her concerns, eyes going over him. 

The lost weight. 

The dark circles under his eyes. 

How he wouldn't meet her gaze. 

WHen she spoke her voice was soft, caring, talking to him like an animal that was seconds away from lashing out in a horrible fashion. 

Or maybe like he was made of glass, broken, barely pierced together glass, that was one small shake away from cracking beyond repair. 

Miracle gaev another whine, pushing to his side and hand. It took him a moment to move his hand and pet her gently. 

He always had wanted a dog, something Dean had always teased him about. 

He never wanted it like this. 

At the motel room they had a light dinner, or at least Donna did. All Sam had was some water, it was all he could stomach these days. She talked softly around him, mentioning Jody and the girls, Alex had gotten a full time position at the hospital as a nurse. Claire was taking classes at a community college. Even Patience was doing okay despite the ever present visions. 

Sam tried to care about what she was saying, tried to be happy for her and smile and nod like with the witnesses. 

He sipped at his water. It was barely a quarter empty. 

Miracle whined once more at him, moving to place her head on his lap and he absentmindedly petted her.

“Listen, Sam.” Donna started, voice steady and certain, he had heard her use that voice before on traumatizing victims she had brought in. “We’ve all been thinking and...we think you should stay with us for a bit. Jody and then me and Garth too! It’s just that-” she hesitated before continuing. “We’re worried about you. And we don’t think that...you should be in that bunker all by yourself, you got some great company.” she quickly added, smiling at Miracle who didn’t look away from Sam. “But we think you might need something...a bit more.”

Sam didn’t answer her, just continued to pet Miracle who looked up at him with sorrowful eyes. She licked at his hand, cold nose pressing into his palm. 

“Mind walking her for a bit?” Sam asked instead, thumb rubbing against the top of her head. “I think I want to take a nap before we go find the wolf.”

Donna hesitated but nodded. “Course.” she said, throwing her napkin on the wrapper and gathering everything. She left his uneaten food, wrapping it up instead. “You take a nap, you’ll eat that, and we’ll go out together.”

Sam didn’t say anything as Donna snagged Miracles leash, attaching it to her collar. She shot Sam one more look before tugging Miracle out, comforting her as she whined and pulled to get back to Sam. 

The door closed and Sam didn’t move until he forced himself to stand up, going to his duffel bag. He rummaged through it before pulling the golden amulet with the frayed leather cord. Staring at it for a moment he pulled it on, comforted by the weight of it around his neck. 

He left the rest of his belongings there, closing the motel door softly. 

His hand slid along the impala as he got into the driver's seat one last time. He drove mechanically, already knowing where to go. The engine rebervated through him, it was the closest thing he’s felt in all these days. 

Pulling up to a dilapidated barnhouse Sam turned the engine off, stepping out of the car. He shot a quick text to Garth and threw the phone back, ignoring how it immediately lit up with Garth trying to call him. Hands in his pockets he walked up to it, using his shoulder to nudge the door open and step inside. 

Hidden, pressed into the back of the barn was the werewolf, two of them actually. They were young, looked like teens at the most. Both of them had their claws extended and their eyes were alight in yellow, the rest of their features pointed and inhumane. 

They looked like a pair of brothers, the way the younger one, he didn’t even look like he was twelve, was shaking behind the older one, clinging to the back of his shirt. The older one, he didn’t look older than sixteen at the most, was turned towards Sam, teeth barred with one hand ready to push the younger one behind him.

The older teen seemed to snap, talking about how bad hunters were and how they were just trying to survive. That hunters had killed their parents and he had to do what he did, he needed to provide for his little brother, they were a pack and all that was left so he was alpha and he was doing whatever it took to get his little brother fed.

Sam just stared at them, hands in his pocket, not moving. 

That seemed to unnerve the older teen, he spat out more accusations, more threats that made his voice shake and crack. 

After what seemed like an eternity, the kid cracked. Said that his little brother had been sick and they had tried, they really had, to survive on animal hearts. But his little brother had gotten shot at and grazed by a silver bullet, the poison working against him. 

So he had no other choice, he couldn’t let his brother die. He resorted to hunting humans and tearing their heart out and please, he had pleaded, please he didn’t want to but he had to. They were almost done, they just needed one more heart, a strong one, and he’d be better. Please just one heart, could be anyone, could be a criminal, just please, please.

“You can have mine.” Sam told them, watching them freeze. Dimly he remembered back when his heart had been for sale, five hundred thousand to be precise. “You can have mine on one condition,” his voice was a bit rough, it was more than he had said in days. “After this you go to Grantsburg, Wisconsin, there’s a small pack there, a family, the man's name is Garth and he’ll help you and take care of you.”

Lifting his chin, he pushed his chest out. “So do this, eat it, and go. Tell them I sent you. He already knows.” he smiled, it felt rusty, out of place, but also right. “C’mon, for your little brother.”

He saw the wolf hesitantly move towards him, the younger remained where he was, staring with wide eyes as his older brother finally reached Sam, staring up into his eyes. 

“Isn’t that the point of it all?” he murmured, feeling the weight slowly lifting off of him. “To take care of your little brother?”

The wolf nodded tensely, eyes glistening with tears. Sam could hear a whispered thank you and he might’ve laughed, he should be the one thanking him. 

There was some pain, there always was at this point with his chest ripped out, hand curling around his heart, but maybe because he had been prepared, or maybe Jack had been watching and had been merciful to keep him from really feeling the pain. 

But whatever the reason, there was a moment's pain that was barely noticeable, and then he opened his eyes, facing a mountain landscape off a bridge. 

But more importantly, more important than even the car parked just a few feet away.

Was Dean, leaning against the bridge staring out. Sam took a step closer to him and felt his breath catch when his brother turned around, a sad smile on his face.

“Hey Sammy.” he said roughly, eyes raking over him hungrily. Sam felt something inside of him crack and he leaped the rest of the way, wrapping his arms around his brother. 

“Dean.” he mumbled, burying his face in the crook of his brother's neck. He felt like sobbing as Dean wrapped his arms around him, hand buried in the back of his head. 

They parted all too soon but Sam managed a smile at him, Deans hand cupping half of his neck and half of his face. He leaned the rest of the way, resting his forehead against Deans, just breathing him in, the weight of the last time of his existence on earth already fading away into the pure bliss of being with his brother again.

He was home.

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own Supernatural. 
> 
> 176/366
> 
> I do take requests so if you have requests you can send them to me.


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